Good Morning everyone!
It's going on 3:00 in the morning & I am not wanting to sleep (again), sigh!!!!!
If you have read this blog, occasionally I make comments about my going through the change aka Menopause & how I feel about it.
Well this last week has been like the Wicked Witch has climbed up my backside (if you get my drift0 & I am dealing with very big anger issues over tiny events. I also cry at the drop of a hat, even watching a silly cartoon or reading a facebook article. I even made the comment after one of these crying bits to my husband that I felt like I was pregnant again...NO I am not, got clipped & tied back in 1990.
I go to bed mad & wake up mad, go through the day crying like the world is ending when everything is going alright. I can't talk without feeling the need to roll my eyes or use sarcastic remarks when someone...aka husband.....speaks to me.
The only ones not on my hit list are the 'kids' (chickens) but even the cats make me feel like pulling my hair out when they get all bitchy & pissy with each other.
So far this last week, I had to put down my oldest hen Bowzer, who may have been egg bound & had a lung infection on top of it. I brought her in for 2 days & gave her steam treatments to ease the breathing but she was failing & I knew I would have to help her go. So at 2:30 a.m. while she was on my chest struggling I chloroformed her so she could go quickly. She has been with me the longest, since 2009 & it just tore me up having her in pain & having to help her pass on to be with the other friends who left before her.
I also have Indora inside for over a week now, who is skin & bones, who may have a mild case of gizzard bound from the looks of her poo. She eats & drinks enough but is not putting on any weight, so I am worried about her as well. So I know part of my anger is not being able to help as much as I want with my kids who are having problems.
But for the most part I feel like a teenager who is on a roller coaster, somewhat out of control & not being able to get back to normal.
Everything I have read says this is normal when the change is almost at its end, plus I get to also deal with short term memory lose while this is going on as well. Well whoopee for me!
Sorry a bit of a temper tantrum there........
See even here, I can't control what comes out of my head onto the page. Its like someone else has taken over my body & I am just along for the ride. You know when your growing up & you go through that mental crap along with growing bones & pimples? Well let me tell you after that, then going through pregnancy you think "Oh it will never get THAT bad again".
Well I am here to tell you, I WAS wrong, WRONG, wrong! As a teenager, I could go running to my room & slam the door, pregnant I could eat a gallon of ice cream & a bag of cookies. Well since I have already done that, I feel like I am at a lose of what to do. Its like my old lady head says "Well honey, you COULD go do the dishes. I am sure that will make you feel better" I mean, where does that come from????
Like I am So mad I want to break someones head & my brain says go do dishes???!!!!
When was house work ever therapy? or a way to calm down? I tend to do housework when I am angry cause it puts my brain in a different place but right now, I do not want nor feel the need to be cleaning house when someone somewhere needs a good slap upside the head. I can't even listen to the News without blowing a gasket verbally & normally I can keep it inside & not voice my opinion.....Well that ain't happening now, its like my mouth is disregarding my brain & just saying what ever in the hell it wants, when it wants.
Oh & don't even think to ask me if I am OK, you'll just get a sarcastic bitchy comment in a low nasty tone. Like I am the daughter of Satan or something.
Oh yea & another thing when in the hell did I get so gassy?? I feel all bloated & crampy when nothing down there seems to be going on. Its honesty like having PMS but a 1000 times worse without all the severe pain that tends to go with it. Midal won't do a thing for what's going on with me.... maybe a few shots of Vodka....the whole bottle? Then a ice bag for the killer hangover I will have. At the moment not sure if that's a bad thing.
At least I am a happy drunk, so maybe the vodka would numb some of this, but I have a feeling I would end up being a dragon since my brain is already functioning without me.
As you can see I AM trying to keep a sense of humor over all this, but damn its not easy & I am just hoping this ends soon before I get hauled off to jail. I know some doctors recommend hormone replacement, but I will be damned if I go that route. Too many things can go wrong & I've decided to do this as natural as I can. Plus the chances of female cancers rises while taking hormone replacement, so I will just deal with what life gives me, BUT I am not a happy camper at the moment.
I thought the last 9 years, 3 months & so many days I'd already been through the hard stuff, like night sweats are a thrill a minute, or hot flashes when you are all bundled up in a coat & can't get the clothes off fast enough..........ok I admit stripping in the grocery store is not what others want to see but hey, what can I say??? Ok that's a joke, but I sure came close a few times. But we will not get into the times I was at home outside & did that.
Things are fairly quiet, cats calm & not fighting, chickens & husband asleep, so no one to mess with me for the moment. TV is off & its pretty silent & our ghost Grandmama seems to understand not to come down at the moment. But I know all it will take is one cat howling or hissing to send me off again. So far no dishes, plants or furniture have been harmed, but I can't guarantee that won't change if this doesn't end soon & I MEAN like NOW if possible.
Thank you very much for listening to me rant plus showing me patience & understanding while I am this way. Y'all know eventually I will be back to my normal crazy self & once again write about my kids or the farm. So please be patient with me & my blog until then.
Have a great chicken day,
Michele'
this is not me, but it could be! I even have the high top red tennis shoes...lol
It's going on 3:00 in the morning & I am not wanting to sleep (again), sigh!!!!!
If you have read this blog, occasionally I make comments about my going through the change aka Menopause & how I feel about it.
Well this last week has been like the Wicked Witch has climbed up my backside (if you get my drift0 & I am dealing with very big anger issues over tiny events. I also cry at the drop of a hat, even watching a silly cartoon or reading a facebook article. I even made the comment after one of these crying bits to my husband that I felt like I was pregnant again...NO I am not, got clipped & tied back in 1990.
I go to bed mad & wake up mad, go through the day crying like the world is ending when everything is going alright. I can't talk without feeling the need to roll my eyes or use sarcastic remarks when someone...aka husband.....speaks to me.
The only ones not on my hit list are the 'kids' (chickens) but even the cats make me feel like pulling my hair out when they get all bitchy & pissy with each other.
So far this last week, I had to put down my oldest hen Bowzer, who may have been egg bound & had a lung infection on top of it. I brought her in for 2 days & gave her steam treatments to ease the breathing but she was failing & I knew I would have to help her go. So at 2:30 a.m. while she was on my chest struggling I chloroformed her so she could go quickly. She has been with me the longest, since 2009 & it just tore me up having her in pain & having to help her pass on to be with the other friends who left before her.
I also have Indora inside for over a week now, who is skin & bones, who may have a mild case of gizzard bound from the looks of her poo. She eats & drinks enough but is not putting on any weight, so I am worried about her as well. So I know part of my anger is not being able to help as much as I want with my kids who are having problems.
But for the most part I feel like a teenager who is on a roller coaster, somewhat out of control & not being able to get back to normal.
Everything I have read says this is normal when the change is almost at its end, plus I get to also deal with short term memory lose while this is going on as well. Well whoopee for me!
Sorry a bit of a temper tantrum there........
See even here, I can't control what comes out of my head onto the page. Its like someone else has taken over my body & I am just along for the ride. You know when your growing up & you go through that mental crap along with growing bones & pimples? Well let me tell you after that, then going through pregnancy you think "Oh it will never get THAT bad again".
Well I am here to tell you, I WAS wrong, WRONG, wrong! As a teenager, I could go running to my room & slam the door, pregnant I could eat a gallon of ice cream & a bag of cookies. Well since I have already done that, I feel like I am at a lose of what to do. Its like my old lady head says "Well honey, you COULD go do the dishes. I am sure that will make you feel better" I mean, where does that come from????
Like I am So mad I want to break someones head & my brain says go do dishes???!!!!
When was house work ever therapy? or a way to calm down? I tend to do housework when I am angry cause it puts my brain in a different place but right now, I do not want nor feel the need to be cleaning house when someone somewhere needs a good slap upside the head. I can't even listen to the News without blowing a gasket verbally & normally I can keep it inside & not voice my opinion.....Well that ain't happening now, its like my mouth is disregarding my brain & just saying what ever in the hell it wants, when it wants.
Oh & don't even think to ask me if I am OK, you'll just get a sarcastic bitchy comment in a low nasty tone. Like I am the daughter of Satan or something.
Oh yea & another thing when in the hell did I get so gassy?? I feel all bloated & crampy when nothing down there seems to be going on. Its honesty like having PMS but a 1000 times worse without all the severe pain that tends to go with it. Midal won't do a thing for what's going on with me.... maybe a few shots of Vodka....the whole bottle? Then a ice bag for the killer hangover I will have. At the moment not sure if that's a bad thing.
At least I am a happy drunk, so maybe the vodka would numb some of this, but I have a feeling I would end up being a dragon since my brain is already functioning without me.
As you can see I AM trying to keep a sense of humor over all this, but damn its not easy & I am just hoping this ends soon before I get hauled off to jail. I know some doctors recommend hormone replacement, but I will be damned if I go that route. Too many things can go wrong & I've decided to do this as natural as I can. Plus the chances of female cancers rises while taking hormone replacement, so I will just deal with what life gives me, BUT I am not a happy camper at the moment.
I thought the last 9 years, 3 months & so many days I'd already been through the hard stuff, like night sweats are a thrill a minute, or hot flashes when you are all bundled up in a coat & can't get the clothes off fast enough..........ok I admit stripping in the grocery store is not what others want to see but hey, what can I say??? Ok that's a joke, but I sure came close a few times. But we will not get into the times I was at home outside & did that.
Things are fairly quiet, cats calm & not fighting, chickens & husband asleep, so no one to mess with me for the moment. TV is off & its pretty silent & our ghost Grandmama seems to understand not to come down at the moment. But I know all it will take is one cat howling or hissing to send me off again. So far no dishes, plants or furniture have been harmed, but I can't guarantee that won't change if this doesn't end soon & I MEAN like NOW if possible.
Thank you very much for listening to me rant plus showing me patience & understanding while I am this way. Y'all know eventually I will be back to my normal crazy self & once again write about my kids or the farm. So please be patient with me & my blog until then.
Have a great chicken day,
Michele'
Even though you are going though a rough time M I was so thrilled to see your post, have not heard from you in awhile and was worried. Makes you feel any better and I know it does not but I went through menopause for 14 years, it started when I was 40. So, believe me I know what you are going through but sadly not much I can do to ease what you are going through. But, know I am hear and thinking of you. Hang in there my sweet sister and know it will get better.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Debbie
Your not alone. I had the plumbing removed 28 years ago and NOW I am having this issue - NOT FAIR. I so understand what you wrote and it is not easy. Even the issue of deal with have to put a dear friend down. So just know I send Love, Light and Understand. I am lucky I don't have to worry that someone in the house is having to deal with this crazy moments in time - I can clean at two am and not give it a thought or have the music up full blast while also watching a movie - I get to be as crazy as I want or need to be. Be Well Dear One
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear hens, its good to see I am not alone in this & have my own little cheerleading group with me.
ReplyDelete